One

Today is one of those days where I definitely should've risen from my bed and done something, anything, just been proactive. Instead i've drunk copious amounts of tea, made cheese on toast (twice, i'm ashamed of myself) and browsed the internet aimlessly. I've googled "Fraser Island" dreaming of escaping, looked at flights for tonight to Paris, nearly booked train tickets to Cornwall, all the while knowing that the likelihood of actually leaving my bed, even to go to the corner shop and buy more cigarettes is nil. 


I know it's completely ridiculous, because i've not actually got anything to be sad about at all. My father always said that I land on my feet, and a part of me knows I will. Thats not being arrogant, it's just when i'm not in this sort of lull, I can be proactive and a real "go-getter". I've got options and if things get tough i've got quite thick skin, but I'm just a bit slow to adapt to change.


I sort of made this blog with the intention of uploading all the things i've been involved with over the last year and make it  semi - professional looking, and that hopefully will get done, sort of an online portfolio but these things take patience and time and the right mindset. 


Isn't it funny that the older you get the faster time flies? The last year has been lightening fast, time flies when you're having fun and all those other sayings. I remember going up in the Channel 4 lifts thinking to myself, you've only got 8 weeks left, not long now. That felt like yesterday, I hadn't prepared for post Channel 4, I'd looked for placements and thought about work but mentally leaving and not going back, it's a strange feeling, like a really big comedown. I know that it's temporary and that it's just one small chapter in a long succession of hopefully successful adventures but it feels a bit like something is missing already.


I've become a workaholic, this is something a lot of my friends would've never thought.  


It's 6pm on a Friday afternoon. Monday I will rise at 9am and sort out the placement I was supposed to start, perhaps look for some others, pull my CV together a bit more and stop moping. But as Nicole Scherzinger quite rightly says - don't hold your breath.